Vulnerability as a Healing Force of Nature

The power of sensitivity, elemental connection with everything, through the hearth space.

Maria for AYA Pacha

4/17/20237 min read

Deer Medicine: KEJ Ancestral Energy

Every Ancestral Energy is essential for life to unfold. for this 13th days cycle starting 16/04/23 until 27/04, orchestrated by the Ancient frequency of KEJ, I am choosing to offer you a kinda personal letter. I want to be totally honest with you (as usual). To honour a cycle of 13 magnetic days that invite you and me, by the essence of its guardian energy, to be truthful to our inner Earth.

Suitable it feels to share a vulnerable letter, if we also remember that next 20th of April we'll be also entering into Taurus Season through an eclipse window. Embracing our light and dark we evolve as one. Potentiated and expansive energy invites us deep into body awareness. Time to ground the fire into something useful. With the New Moon in Aries, a moment of reflection before the next cycle opens to review the last cycle, and to consider the next steps to ground our spiritual fire into fertile soil.

I have a dream, one night, while with AYAhuasca Abuelita, truth be told, I did not understand anything after our encounter. Then with time, patience and love, AYA Pacha is the dream come true of a medicinal community evolving through alchemizing the deepest, ancient humanity wounding with the full support of Plant Medicines. It is my own poison which has become medicine through embracing, witnessing and accepting what I've experienced. But also, to move on to something different: The remembrance of my own ancestry.

I like to educate people because I feel there is a lack of good education. Then I believe one is called to create what one perceives as lacking. This is the case with what feels obvious sometimes, as a projector I see beyond (discover your human design too). Then I ask myself: What can I do to share what feels true? My eternal question.

I am someone with strong opinions, therefore, I need to make sure I have the "right" qualifications to determine as facts what I channel like a waterfall, I was told early enough by my first Astrologer, my Ascendant in Aquarius is too out of the box, tending to ancient technologies not always logical of obvious. But, that its ok, learning is fun, especially since I know how to catch and hold my ADHD, nowadays.

I never learned like the others, I used to mix the d with the b, repeatedly. This is labelled as dyslexia, although I had other early diagnoses through which I used to be medicated. But the truth is, like the deer, I was so deeply sensitive from an early age. The dysfunctional medical system my father was trained in labelled my condition as one that needs medication for the rest of my life to be a "normal" person. These problems were mainly catalogued by a dysfunctional medical system as supposed hormonal issues from around 8 yrs, weird right? intense and ignorant too. I now observe with admiration eyes.

I also consider myself an autistic person. I need lots of time alone to understand my inner experience. I can get easily saturated by sound and I've come a long way in learning a couple of social abilities. Still, the effect of exploring this strange and unknown darkness became a full admiration of the Light. I am a protector of wonder and beauty since I started landing back into my body temple, after years body disconnection. Thanks to her healing properties: Pacha Mama is a Cosmic blessing.

Photo by: Edi Perez

I used to be so open that I will see the fluidity of the sacred web, shapes changing in the class board with no influence of a human hand, I thought, for some time (my father supported this idea) I was crazy. Sometimes my hands would get extremely hot from the inside. All this was considered as an imbalance that later on transformed into embracing my gifts as a highly sensitive being. I understood I have great healing capacities when starting to train and heal myself with Reiki and Spiritual Response Therapy (SRT).

When herbal medicine and master plants arrive to my life, a veil was lifted and the healing fun began in ways that allowed me to leave allopathic medication while embracing what was perceived as too out of the box.

My life became what allopathic medicine tell could never become alone. Then, I feel so grateful, so loyal to mother nature that I chose to fully dedicate my life to expanding her love.

Then it happened. All the craziness I experienced in childhood started to surface because I started to feel safe, for the first time ever.

Deep recognition seems to be the only way. How I've been handling understanding I've been repeatedly abused during my childhood and teens? the question become, in ways I didn't even know were considered as abuse before. This was obvious the moment the authority labelled as a crime of sexual abuse the testimonial y was offering for the initial litigation. It's been intense. For me, for my mom. To choose to stop with the support of the law, the lack of boundaries, the aggression damaging us since I've got memory through my biological father unbalances bipolarity and narcissism.

Short Mantra + Energy Guide for every day of the 13Na

1 "My high sensitivity is the organic power of mama Nature1"

KEJ = Deer, hearth power of each element

2 "Abundance of the flowers and fruits I bless the life force dancing through light and darkness"

Q'ANIL = withe rabbit, Seed of life

3 "I celebrate sacred reciprocity, then I flow"

TOH = Sacred fire, Reciprocity flow

4 "The fire in my heart elevates, transforms all around"


5 "My quintessence is creative energy"

BATZ = Monkey, Artisan, Artist, Web of Creation

6 "My Wild Nature is Spiritual"

EE = Wild Cat, Saqbe, Spiritual path

A heart written letter:
Short Mantra + Energy Guide for every day of the 13Na

7 "Awakening to my own guidance, is to awaken to my own gifts"

AJ = Guide, Corn, Abundance of life

8 "Wild and free, feminine and masculine is Pacha Mama, is me"

IX = Jaguar, Sacred Feminine

9 "My vision takes time, space and dedication to be, is a feminine process of gestation to manifest"


10 "Oneness is what we are, like the bees working together to create medicine for all"


11 "Wisdom through the Air, I channel through my heart space"


12 "Healing occurs as an Art of Mother Nature"


13 "I birth myself through Joy and pleasure = my Hearth space"


I feel grateful, happy and relieved that my mama has started a psychological process. She, just like me, after the many years of verbal, emotional and even fiscal abuse (I've sadly witnessed this) that my biological father caused us. I've had psychological therapy since my 22 and I continue to. Because I am so aware of the damage I experienced until my early 20 when I finally choose to leave thanks to the strength, clarity and motivation that Santa Maria Gave me. After arriving in the UK, after tasting freedom and love for the first time at that level. I experienced a full shift in my energy field. After that, Cacao landed to awaken my heart. I decided to deepen my healing process and I've been investing in self~therapy, mastery in the studies of the mind (Mindfulness) and a variety of healing techniques that are now a playground where I can support others in discovering too their true nature.

Then, 3 years ago I choose to deepen this self~discovery path with no partners involved. The purpose of it was to rebuild my energy field as my child didn't experience functional feminine or masculine figures to learn from. So my work has been to create solid and grounded role models for my inner child to feel safe to expand, grow and create but also to be content inside of me and not crazy lost out into the world. Our inner child embodies our creative force, but definitely should not be running the show.

This decision has definitely allowed AYA Pacha growth to a whole new level. With more roots in her ancestry, and with a deeper understanding of what is needed for a big vision to happen.

For now, I find myself in my native land: Ecuador, connecting like the deer, hearth to hearth, with those inside the same dream: Protecting and Expanding Cacao reality and ancestry. Connecting with the other hearts inside the same Cacao dream. I feel grateful for being here, creating medicine in the way offered by the abuelitas, because this is the way, I believe, that becomes medicine for everyone that taste it.

That to say: The hearth is this sacred Magnetic portal design to connect you with your highest dreams and manifestations. Heart energy is the most precious energy we can create with. Therefore, we shall be mindful and wise when sharing what is the fuel of our successful creations, those dreams that are useful for more than just me, those connections are the ones that woven our world through Magic and collaboration.

So, to close this letter, I want to offer a podcast episode to empower this topic. I was interviewed by Benjamin Timby, a beautiful and sensitive too deer friend I meet in the last Tantra, Yoga and Shamanic school I studied in Ecuador. We had heaps of fun and we are looking forward to creating another one! He is also a breath work, medicine and spiritual coach supporting men in their spiritual strength and higher potential of transformation.

As an interesting final note, as I deepen my Sexual Energy healing, I am observing, those with deep wounding in their most intimate creative energy are ones called to explore and heal through the Tantric path of self-discovery. This has certainly been the way for me, to deeply feel with full awareness of my body world. I look forward to share what I am learning with you, with our AYA Pacha tribe. But for now, I wish for all our world to have full opportunities for healing, to evolve and expand through full support, consciousness and love.

That's me from now, may you have a sweet and powerful Eclipse bath, dear AYA Pacha Humminbird.

brown deer under tree
brown deer under tree

Photo by: By Philipp Pilz

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